​The breaking news about Russia’s invasion of Ukraine is live and in real time. Videos of rocket launches and mortar explosions are already appearing on social media sites. Even if you are trying to shield children from the story, the sheer volume of images and discussion means they will likely hear about the conflict. Rather than letting these chance encounters with news reports and TikTok define what they know, take time to talk with children in age-appropriate ways about what is happening.

Preschool children are primarily concerned with how bad and scary things might affect them and other children. Since this conflict is far away, reassure them that no big tanks or rockets will be rolling into your neighborhood. Then focus on how Ukrainian parents are taking care of their children. Explain that parents are talking with kids about what to do in an emergency, just like your family makes an emergency plan for a big storm. The children are learning to recite their address and parents’ full names in case they get separated from their family, just like you want them to do if they get lost in a store. And if a child is too little to remember, caregivers are pinning notes to their clothes with the information. Let your child know that everyone is working hard to keep children safe.

Younger elementary children may want to know why Russia and Ukraine are fighting. Explain that countries often have disagreements and sometimes that leads to fighting, just like between people. Add that Russia is acting like a bully, so Ukraine has turned to other countries in the world to help it stand up to Russia’s unfair treatment. Since children this age are very interested in fairness and consequences for bad actions, emphasize that leaders in the U.S. are working with other governments around the world to support Ukraine. They want to limit Russia’s ability to do certain activities and get money, kind of like how parents use timeout or withhold an allowance when children misbehave.

Older elementary children are able to grasp more of the nuances of the Russia-Ukraine conflict. Help them research the history of the region before and after World War II from reliable and documented resources. Read or listen to the news together and point out how various world leaders are condemning Russia’s actions and rallying to help Ukraine. Acknowledge that some responses will also mean higher prices (like for gas) and other negative consequences in the U.S. because of how much countries depend on each other for goods and services. Talk about the need to stand up for certain values and principles even if doing so also causes some economic pain.  We are a global society.

Teens live through social media as a constant source of information.  Some apps and sources are reliable and accurate, but often not many are not.  A teen's devices are a primary source of connection to their peers and the world.  Talk with teens about how to fact check and identify what reliable sources for news and information exist on social media.  Empower them to seek information wisely and to encourage conversation and questions.  Take a screen break or digital diet for an hour or two.  Teenagers do want to know what their adults think about issues and they are really influenced by it,  They also may have fears about their own furutre and seek hope from trusted adults.  It can be common for teens at times to come across as dismissive or abrupt or seemingly uncaring when trying process significant global events such as natural disaster or war and its ramifications.  This is self-protection mode for processing difficult information.   Give talk a rest, remind them they are loved and safe, and then invite more conversation and questions later.

And where is God when bad things happen children may ask? (and us adult too)  God does not cause or allow bad things to happen.  God is within each of us in how we talk, pray, and care for others.  When all else fails, look for the helpers when watching the news.  Get out a map and find Ukraine on it and lay a hand on it and pray silently or aloud together.  War is scary, even when it is far away. Providing our children and youth with opportunities to process what they are hearing and seeing with trusted adults will give them the tools they need to thrive even when afraid. 

I pray we commit fully to the message of peace.  Praying for Ukraine and it's beautiful people.  Connecting with partners and standing with anti-war protestors and speaking for the liberation of the oppressed all around the world.   Maybe this is the generation that gets to turn the page.  Amen. 

I am very appriciative to have many opportunities to learn and grow in minsitry leadership through a varity of classes, worshops, and groups.  Recently, I was able to learn more about Self-Differentiation and Anxiety in Leadship.  The following is a just a nugget of understanding on the topic of self-dfferentiation in minsitry leadership:

Poet Ralph Waldo Emerson says, “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” Emerson is describing self-differentiation—a term first coined by family-systems pioneer Dr. Murray Bowen. It’s the ability to “distinguish our experience from the experience of people we are connected to.” Self-differentiated people maintain a permanence of self even when they’re under duress—when failure or criticism try to hijack the God-breathed truth about them.
Self-differentiation matters because we live in a “cauldron of critique.” Ministry leaders can report a serious conflict with a parishioner at least once a month. And almost all say they've experienced some form of burnout in ministry—some would even say they're “fried to a crisp right now.”  
Jesus really was, (is) the most self-differentiated person in history, we need more of what He has.
In Matthew 15 alone, he...

• resists the Pharisees’ pressure to honor an “old tradition,”
• shunts his disciples’ fear that he’s offended these leaders.
• ignores cultural and religious restrictions and celebrates the extraordinary faith of a pagan.
• insists on feeding thousands, though others say it’s foolish.

​Jesus maintains the boundaries of his identity because God is never leveraged by critique. So, to access the self-differentiated strength of Jesus in our own “cauldron of critique,” we maintain a passionate, dependent focus on our relational understanding to him. We mindfully invite both his perspective on our anxieties and the determination to live free from their shackles. And we ask ourselves questions that motivate us to invite  strength into our weakness. 

It is a consistent and worthy practice to grow in self-differentiated leadership skills. 
​Much more to come...

Luke 6:17–26
20 Then he looked up at his disciples and said:
“Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God.
21 “Blessed are you who are hungry now, for you will be filled.
“Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.
22 “Blessed are you when people hate you, and when they exclude you, revile you, and defame you[a] on account of the Son of Man. 23 Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, for surely your reward is great in heaven; for that is what their ancestors did to the prophets.
24 “But woe to you who are rich, for you have received your consolation.
25 “Woe to you who are full now, for you will be hungry.
“Woe to you who are laughing now, for you will mourn and weep.
26 “Woe to you when all speak well of you, for that is what their ancestors did to the false prophets.

When I was a grade schooler, the Valentines Day party was a highlight of the winter months. It was one of the few parties we could have, since it was a secular holiday. I remember making the shoebox mailboxes to hold all the Valentines I would receive. The box decorated with red, pink, purples, and white along with doilies, hearts, and massive amounts of glitter. I remember making valentines and buying the trendy boxed cartoony Valentines at the store. As I got older candy was expected to be included. Pixie Sticks and Tootsie Pops being the favorites. As a parent later in life, the expectation grew as I helped host the classroom parties with the homemade cupcakes and clever games.
Those parties are such happy memories. Now a days, these parties aren’t always as commonplace as they once were. Schools are growing more inclusive and equitable about these types of parties and finding new ways of celebrating as communities of diverese backgrounds, resources and traditions. Not every child or family can afford the time, money, parent invovlement and expected effort a party requires these days.

Today’s gospel story of Jesus’ words of blessing and woe during his talk on the plain made me think about what Jesus might say about the inclusivity and equity regarding kids and school parties. Perhaps he would say something like this…

Blessed are you, who have a hard time making friends.
Blessed are you, who are bullied or teased.
Blessed are you who received free lunch or clothes from the donation box.
Blessed are you who have learning challenges or can’t sit still the way you are expected to.
God knows you and is with you in your struggles to be seen and heard and loved for more than your grade.

Woe to you schools that prioritize scores over skills.
Woe to your systems the benefit some but not all.
Woe to your groups that prioritize big wins over small successes.
Woe to you well minded leaders who create unintended situations of discomfort and embarrassment in order to participate in community celebrations.
God challenges you to do better, to do more to serve all and build up hearts as well as minds.

I think Jesus loves a good party.
But Jesus is the teacher who demands that everyone is able to have the resources, time and abilities to make sure all the kids in the class receive a Valentine.
Jesus reminds us that everyone is worthy of love.
Jesus also reminds us that love is not a commodity to market and hoard. ​