War in Ukraine, Talking with Children and Youth

​The breaking news about Russia’s invasion of Ukraine is live and in real time. Videos of rocket launches and mortar explosions are already appearing on social media sites. Even if you are trying to shield children from the story, the sheer volume of images and discussion means they will likely hear about the conflict. Rather than letting these chance encounters with news reports and TikTok define what they know, take time to talk with children in age-appropriate ways about what is happening.

Preschool children are primarily concerned with how bad and scary things might affect them and other children. Since this conflict is far away, reassure them that no big tanks or rockets will be rolling into your neighborhood. Then focus on how Ukrainian parents are taking care of their children. Explain that parents are talking with kids about what to do in an emergency, just like your family makes an emergency plan for a big storm. The children are learning to recite their address and parents’ full names in case they get separated from their family, just like you want them to do if they get lost in a store. And if a child is too little to remember, caregivers are pinning notes to their clothes with the information. Let your child know that everyone is working hard to keep children safe.

Younger elementary children may want to know why Russia and Ukraine are fighting. Explain that countries often have disagreements and sometimes that leads to fighting, just like between people. Add that Russia is acting like a bully, so Ukraine has turned to other countries in the world to help it stand up to Russia’s unfair treatment. Since children this age are very interested in fairness and consequences for bad actions, emphasize that leaders in the U.S. are working with other governments around the world to support Ukraine. They want to limit Russia’s ability to do certain activities and get money, kind of like how parents use timeout or withhold an allowance when children misbehave.

Older elementary children are able to grasp more of the nuances of the Russia-Ukraine conflict. Help them research the history of the region before and after World War II from reliable and documented resources. Read or listen to the news together and point out how various world leaders are condemning Russia’s actions and rallying to help Ukraine. Acknowledge that some responses will also mean higher prices (like for gas) and other negative consequences in the U.S. because of how much countries depend on each other for goods and services. Talk about the need to stand up for certain values and principles even if doing so also causes some economic pain.  We are a global society.

Teens live through social media as a constant source of information.  Some apps and sources are reliable and accurate, but often not many are not.  A teen's devices are a primary source of connection to their peers and the world.  Talk with teens about how to fact check and identify what reliable sources for news and information exist on social media.  Empower them to seek information wisely and to encourage conversation and questions.  Take a screen break or digital diet for an hour or two.  Teenagers do want to know what their adults think about issues and they are really influenced by it,  They also may have fears about their own furutre and seek hope from trusted adults.  It can be common for teens at times to come across as dismissive or abrupt or seemingly uncaring when trying process significant global events such as natural disaster or war and its ramifications.  This is self-protection mode for processing difficult information.   Give talk a rest, remind them they are loved and safe, and then invite more conversation and questions later.

And where is God when bad things happen children may ask? (and us adult too)  God does not cause or allow bad things to happen.  God is within each of us in how we talk, pray, and care for others.  When all else fails, look for the helpers when watching the news.  Get out a map and find Ukraine on it and lay a hand on it and pray silently or aloud together.  War is scary, even when it is far away. Providing our children and youth with opportunities to process what they are hearing and seeing with trusted adults will give them the tools they need to thrive even when afraid. 

I pray we commit fully to the message of peace.  Praying for Ukraine and it's beautiful people.  Connecting with partners and standing with anti-war protestors and speaking for the liberation of the oppressed all around the world.   Maybe this is the generation that gets to turn the page.  Amen. 

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